I was raised by a strong independent single mom who owned multiple businesses all at the same time. She was a boss! My mom would organize these amazing day trips to Buck Island with plenty of food, drink and fun on staff retreats aboard catamarans out in the turquoise blue waters every year. I never realized how un-normal my life was till I went to my girlfriends’ homes and saw how simple their lives were. And it wasn’t an economic thing…it was really the way their mother’s carried it….the whole home thing. There moms’ and my mom were from very different planets.
My upbringing was pretty awesome. At one point, my mom owned two video stores, a deli and bodega, a casual dining restaurant, and was also developing her real estate brokerage on the island of St Croix where I grew up. After school, the bus would let me off in front of her conglomeration of businesses, whereas my classmates would be dropped in front of their communities. My girlfriends’ moms either had one good job or were housewives. My best girlfriend’s mom was a housewife, and I always noticed how everything she did she did for her husband and family. It was so different then how I was raised. Her mom cooked breakfast, lunch and dinner everyday. I had cold cereal for breakfast, and most times I was eating food from either my mom’s deli or restaurant. My mom only cooked for special occasions like Thanksgiving…and she was a phenomenal cook too. All the recipes in her restaurant were hers, however she had hired cooks and chefs to do the work.
My younger life groomed me to be the very strong independant woman like my mother was. And I am ever grateful that I came through the passages of her rearing. I could not have had a better mother. She was my everything.My younger life groomed me to be the very strong independant woman like my mother was. And I am ever grateful that I came through the passages of her rearing. I could not have had a better mother. She was my everything. And so while she was dying from Breast Cancer…a very different side came out of her that made an amazing difference in my life. She changed. The woman whom I thought was fearless and empowering was dwindling. She was fighting for her life and did not want to die. It was heartbreaking to witness.
Spending those last few months with my mother before she died, was the most important time of my life. It was her saging time…the time to endow me with the wisdom that will help me move forward throughout the rest of my life. I was her one and only prodigy and since she was reluctantly accepting the fact that she may leave this reality she decided to share some things with me that I never really thought she completely embraced. And, boy was it powerful…
All these years my mother was the leader, the boss, the one in charge. Whether she had a man at the time or not…she ran the show! However, her sage advice to me was to always remember that I was a Goddess, A Queen and A Gift. And that I am to be treasured and taken care of. She said that my power was in the art of using this feminine power to heal, help and take care of those who were in my energy. She said knowing how to do things is great, but knowing when you should allow someone else to do them is even greater. She mentioned a few friends of hers who embraced the “I don’t need no man!” philosophy. She said she felt sorry for them…because these women are working too hard and are going to die alone. My mother said they won’t listen to her when she talks like this because they think she is saying this because she had been sick.
My mother at the time lost her ability to walk when the cancer spread to her bones. I think her “independent” friends figured she was just saying this because she was unable to care for herself anymore. Nah, I never thought that. My mom had a man. He was a few years older than me…I believe 3 or 4…we actually knew some of the same people from college. Ha! Yes, my mom was a Cougar! As any great Goddess should be, if she chose. The way her man took care of her, especially when she was really sick impressed me so much, considering he was 20 years younger than her, shook me to my bones. He would do anything for her. He worshipped his Goddess. Seeing the way he bathed her, fed her…everything was magical. He slept with my mom every night til the last night of her life. (crying)
I walked away from that experience with many lessons. The biggest lesson was in the teachings my mother gave me. To be a woman, to allow a man to do his thing….even if his way is different or wrong or whatever. A man doesn’t want to be emasculated. A man doesn’t want to be the housewife. That is our role as women. It completely goes against the thought of feminist ideology, of independent go getter women, and especially of the “I don’t need no man” types. But I will abide but those teachings…cause I know I got the hustle side down…it’s a given. Being a feminine woman in a world that trains women to be equal to men…to make as much money or more then men…to build houses and all that type of physical (what I like to call, manly) things…is all well and good. I can do it all. I can change a tire, change the oil in my car, and most likely build a house and whatever else I want to do. I can make millions of dollars. All of that doesn’t matter to me. At the end of the day, who is going to be there with you when your children go home.
I am a feminine woman. I get my nails done every two weeks. I’m never going to change a flat…unless there is no men living on the planet. Yes, I will be the damsel in distress, waiting for her king, or even a king to come and rescue me. I will do my share….my role….cooking, making the home beautiful, cleaning (I know so many women hate me right now)…I don’t care. I am a Goddess…and I do need a man. I will never say I don’t need no man, because that is the opposite of what will help our families and our loved one. We need each other and we have roles to work within. Whatever they are for you and yours is fine. For me its in me using my magic to allow my man to be The Man…without any fear of being labeled as submissive, weak, bamboozled, led astray…whatever. Me embracing my femininity and knowing that I have the power to fight wars out here is my Goddess energy shining through. Cause the day he says he needs me to put boots on and geared up…Im ready! Know your power, Queens!
And I’m so sure my mother approves this message from the great beyond.
Love you, Skai